on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
