things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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