dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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