I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he shaved USA in his pubs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
