this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
