trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
