About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
