Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
