I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
