I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
