you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my shit smells like andre
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
