Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
