Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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