weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
