So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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