Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
