I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
