i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
