We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
