Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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