Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
