Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
