You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
