Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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