Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
pop tarts are not kleenex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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