I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
