I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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