So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
