Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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