I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
