And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Shame - the story of my life.
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