It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm at about main and main street
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
false alarm, still single
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