so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
