I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
