just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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