I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
