I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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