Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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