Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
