2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
