My friends, they love my intelligence
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
