Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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