butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
