i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
