did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
