Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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