I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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