I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
