Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found puke in my bra..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
