TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
