I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
